A Writer Dealing with Depression

Somedays are different that others but today I woke up not the same. It is weird since there is nothing out of the extraordinary today; at least that’s what I think, unless I am too blind not to see the reality. Anyway, I woke up feeling a estrange sensation in my whole body and mind. I can’t explain why I feel like that. Sometimes there is no reason at all, it just happens, or the reasons are so well hidden in my unconscious. It is Monday. So what? Let me tell you that Mondays are my favorite day of the week. In the past it was horrible not to be able to see the first kid a raised because it too far. I used to pick him up on Friday nights and drive him back on Sunday morning. That was a 6 years routine. Of course on Monday I was feeling lonely as hell. After a long weekend with him I couldn’t have enough of him, it was so incredible and all of a sudden I have to leave him. I assume many single parents go through that situation, not likeable at all. But that is in my past, hey, I kno

My son is with me as I write. He has gotten a bowl full with fried potato chips. We just ate lunch but he seems to be hungry probably because of the fact grandpa is always willing to satisfy his whims. It is difficult to raise a child, but it seems more difficult to raise a child when he is living in his grandparents’ house. I do appreciate the effort and love they give him, however they are weak with his whims as any other grandparents. Mother even works on Saturdays which is horrible for a mother so I take care of him on weekends. Since I move out and I haven’t settled yet, I am not able to take him to my place for one night. Our relationship is strong but he knows he can have whims in his grandparents’ house because this is his territory. I love him so much and despite the fact that we don’t live together I am most of the time with him, especially since I move closer. It takes me 10 minutes to get here. Time is not the problem when raising a kid but quality time. I Think I hav

I do not intend this post to be about superstition or things of that nature. Nor I believe in self-help bibliography. I don’t believe in any of them. I only believe in observation and experimentation. I have spent most of my life doing so. Why? It is my tendency, my nature, my way of being, nothing I forced myself with. From my perspective we all have energy which can be good or bad, negative or positive. Even if you are a nice person you might have attitudes that are negative or despotic. Irritability is also a behavior full of negativity. Energy is transmitted all the time. The Sun is a source of energy, in good weather conditions and in quantities that are helpful depending on each living being we absorb energy, process energy and react to that energy. Too much energy can be bad, and too little energy can be not good enough. Energy is just energy, good or bad. Human beings also transmit and irradiate energy, god or bad. If you surround yourself with shit there is a humongous

Recently, probably a year or more, I have become an ultra-secluded human being, by own choice and by no means resulting in a revolutionary state of mind, anarchy against the world or any other fantasy that one can imagine. I was just tired of not being myself, of trying to do what others expect me to do, instead of doing what I want to do or what I like to do, or whatever the hell I wanted to do. So I was free for a while, at least that was what I thought. I enjoyed every second of it, just like a boy sucks the honey from his fingers after eating pancakes with his bare hands, oh!, what a pleasure! Here I am, I can write but my right hand is still hurting from a tendinitis, one more illness to my suffered skeleton. I can do most things like washing plates, shower, clean up my apartment but after a few minutes it just hurts a little too much. Well, it was worst a couple of weeks ago; I was really crying, literally crying out loud because I could not bear the pain. So I guess I am becom