Raising a Boy

My son is with me as I write. He has gotten a bowl full with fried potato chips. We just ate lunch but he seems to be hungry probably because of the fact grandpa is always willing to satisfy his whims. It is difficult to raise a child, but it seems more difficult to raise a child when he is living in his grandparents’ house. I do appreciate the effort and love they give him, however they are weak with his whims as any other grandparents. Mother even works on Saturdays which is horrible for a mother so I take care of him on weekends. Since I move out and I haven’t settled yet, I am not able to take him to my place for one night. Our relationship is strong but he knows he can have whims in his grandparents’ house because this is his territory.

I love him so much and despite the fact that we don’t live together I am most of the time with him, especially since I move closer. It takes me 10 minutes to get here. Time is not the problem when raising a kid but quality time. I Think I have done a pretty good job so far, but for him it is never enough, he wants more from me. I couldn’t raise a child by myself, I know.

Lately we haven’t spent time in our territory where we use to get along very well. The apartment I am in right now is not mine; I am a guest (see “Inconveniently coming out to the outside world”). I know everything will be fine as the days go by.

Nov 2016

My little boy is three years and half old. He is fine and very smart, probably smarter than I was at his age. If we ask the question: Can a depressive person have a child? The answer is yes. There is not a problem. I don’t find a problem, do you? Raising a child is the most important thing that ever happened to me. As we speak he is mounting his bike indoor, he uses the living room as a road to heaven. He does not stop; he is very active and restless, opposite to me. Well I am 44 years old; I am neither active nor restless. If you red “Dealing with the truth*” you will see that I have another experience with a kid, but very different from what I have now, nonetheless an experience. For many years I kept it to myself, it was horrible to live like that. That’s the reason I wrote that text.

What is the difference? I have learnt that one needs his own space. Even though I love him I realize that if I want to make him happy I need first to be happy myself. If I just do things for him I will be saturated very fast, I know that for sure. If the past experience taught me something is to keep a space for my own interest. If I am happy with myself I think I can make him happy, irradiate positive energy and he will be better than having a father consumed by his unhappiness.

Indeed having a kid makes me better; I will never change that for anything in my life. A kid is a precious gift. Of course it is a huge challenge, every day, every week, every month, etc. The mentality of children constantly changes. If you think you have all figured out you are wrong. Just as you think everything is under control a child develops faster than you can keep up with. It is a changing environment. One must adapt to the circumstances.

A child will not cure Depression or solve your problems of loneliness or anxiety. I will say that a child as beautiful as he might seem will give you good things and not so good things, just like everything in life. One will have more obligations because there is one more mouth to feed, education is expensive, shelter, medicine, etc. If you think you cannot handle this weight then live your life without kids, it is a better choice. Not everyone is made to have kids. Think about who you choose for a partner. In my case I didn’t choose a mother, she chose me. My son’s mother is nice and good to him and she has a lot of patient, more than I can have. She is not perfect, just like me, but we both do the best for him.

If you have a kid and you think you can not handle the challenge it is ok, ask for help. You could be a mother or a father, ask your partner for help, ask your parents and friends, and share your thoughts with others that are good to you. Express yourself, that is the best way to cope with reality. Only in the case you are a mother or you are a father being the only caregiver and you think you can not protect your kid them talk to your authorities or your parents to help you out. If you are at the verge of hurting yourself, please leave your kid with somebody you trust until you are recovered.

 A kid should be a blessing and a challenge, enjoy every minute of it, in the good times and in the bad.

Hope this post is usefull for you.

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Forgive my grammar, English is my second language.